Results Are In

Sutro Baths, near Ocean Beach in San Francisco

After finding out that I have DCIS a year ago in July 2011, I received my second set of MRI results on Friday. These results were compared to my MRI taken on January 25, 2012. As with the January MRI, Friday's MRI showed that there was no change in the tumor. No growth and no shrinkage. I am not going to lie, was pretty anxious about this one, as I have been taking the Chinese herbs since August 28th of 2011 and eating well, but have not been as consistent in other areas of my awesome holistic approach! No growth. Thank the gods, all of them.


Dr. Ewing and Suzy Eder NP took about 2 hours to look at the images, comparing them to the last ones. They agreed with the radiologist's take that no change can be seen in the DCIS (by way of reminder: Ductal Carcinoma in Situ). Dr. Ewing asked me if I wanted to get surgery, I said no. She then told me that I have the option of taking just Tamoxifen, which Suzy later explained to me is an option that some DCIS patients take if they don't want surgery. Because my estrogen receptor tested positive, Tamoxifen would help surpress any tumor growth. I told them I would think about it. I have stopped taking the herbs for a little while as I reassess my situation and determine my plan going forward.

I see these as my options:
1. Continue Chinese Herbs, continue lifestyle changes - support with MRIs every 6 months
2. Tamoxifen for 5 years (1 pill a day), continue lifestyle changes - support with MRIs every 6 months
3. Continue lifestyle changes, take nothing - support with MRIs every 6 months

The last thing Dr. Ewing said to me is that "yes, no change is good, but DCIS tends to blow up". That is exactly what she said, and it is still ringing in my ears. She left me to discuss more with Suzy Eder. I told Suzy that I realize that I am not taking the approach that they recommend, but that I appreciate their support. Suzy responded by saying that it's true - not most hospitals would support this kind of monitoring; they would most likely recommend surgery. However, she said that at this point, data is still being collected on patients with DCIS. Since DCIS has really been seen in the last few years because of the more sensitive equipment (better mammograms and MRIs with high resolution). Patients are either choosing surgery to just get rid of it or tamoxifen to try to keep it under control...and then there are patients like me, who choose not to get surgery and use an alternate approach. She said there is no evidence that the decision I've made to do neither is wrong. If there was reason for me to get surgery and I was choosing not to, they would tell me I was being foolish and that I should get surgery. That's not the case and they support what I"m doing now. Whew.

So I am now scheduled for an MRI 6 months from now on December 28 and a follow up with the doctor and NP on January 11, 2013. In the next few weeks, I'm going to refocus my efforts, think about my options, decide my path forward. More to come as I figure things out!

Remembering Mom, 10 Years Later

Here is something I wrote on this blog when my mom passed, 10 years ago (link). I'm spending the day with my family today in Sunnyvale, and FaceTime-ing with Ixi and Max in Cincinnati. It is a good way to remember her.  We have nothing but love for her.

*******

July 12, 2002

Something happened a couple years ago. It almost seemed like you became extremely wise. A more likely scenario: I began to listen. I don’t remember exactly what you said, and I probably should have written it down, but I do know that whenever I had a problem, after talking to you I always knew what the right thing to do was, even if you didn’t explicitly say it. I remember being amazed more than a few times after you’d got off the phone with me or left the room after talking to me because of the clarity you brought to any problems I had. Of course! It’s so simple!

It was through this disease that became a part of your life that you learned many lessons; lessons that you passed on to every person you came into contact with, be it for minutes or for months. I know our family in particular has learned these lessons first-hand through the example you set for us by fighting through your pain with a smile on your face. Many times you didn’t have the energy to speak. Your voice was very soft and sometimes I think that it became that way for a reason: it was not because of the cancer, but because the things you had to say were so important that we had to lean in a little, and listen intently to hear it.

You gave many people the opportunity to know how it feels to really help someone, and I’ve slowly realized that no matter how small the deed, the appreciation is, many times, multiplied on the other end. Some of the other things I’ve learned I cannot put into words, and some lessons I probably have yet to fully comprehend, but as I live my life and keep in my mind all that I have heard, seen, and felt these past years with you, these lessons will become clear at the right times—I’ve no doubt in that. And from the stories I hear from your friends I believe they feel the same way. Selflessly, you fought through your disease for years just to pass on these lessons. Thank you for everything. I love you very much.

I picture you smiling because that is how youlooked every moment of your last years here with us. I know that you are in a better place. To me, you were my mom: a warm, loving, beautiful, intelligent, courageous and amazing young woman that I am proud to have known.

PLEASE DON'T STOP THE MUSIC

There was a slight tweak in my MRI date - I got it on Friday, June 29th at USCF. Usually, getting an MRI is slightly uncomfortable for me; it's about 45 minutes of laying perfectly still face down, propped at the head and below my breasts. There is a series of loud beeps when the images are being taken so they give you earplugs. Laying in that tunnel, listening to the loud beeps, my mind starts wandering and I undoubtedly start thinking about what the results will be.  

This time, however, was at the Post Street location where they have a bigger and more sensitive MRI machine ("for people that have claustrophobia or that are obese") and have set up the room so that Pandora can be hooked up to earphones and I can listen to any station of my choosing instead of the loud beeps. Genius! Guided through Florence + the Machine like artists, I was rocking on instead of thinking, thinking, thinking. Time passed easily. 

I am now a little anxious for the results, as my focus has been good in some aspects of my life, but not consistently all.  I get the results on Friday, July 6, when I meet again with Dr. Ewing and NP Suzy Eder. Good thoughts please!